my purpose, or lack thereof (unedited)

I often wonder what my purpose is in life. This idea has rattled around inside my brains for years but it has been bothering me more and more recently.

How is one supposed to feel important? Useful? Purposeful? How does one do it?

I don’t know what my purpose is nor the purpose of life in general. What the heck does all of this mean? Why are we here? What is life? No one knows for sure and it bugs me that there are no conclusive answers. I know I won’t figure out the meaning of life but maybe one day, someone will. Until then, I’ll keep racking my brain trying to figure out the what’s and why’s of life.

Maybe purpose has something to do with productivity. As for me, I feel useless when I am unproductive on most days. There isn’t much to do because of Covid-19, and I am not in school right now nor am I working. So I find myself unproductive most days, thus I fill my days with normal tasks and spent a lot of time doing self-care. This doesn’t mean that I spend hours doing my hair and makeup (but yay for girls who do that) but what I mean is I take my time to shower, to dress, to do simple tasks like styling my hair, trimming my fingernails, you get the idea. It is a lot of wasted time to take care of oneself and I take full advantage of it.

What else is there to do? Should I be doing something better with my time? Sure. I could be doing a million different things but it’s all talk. I like the simple days where there isn’t much to do so I have the time to waste and do nothing. This is how it is most days and I am grateful for it. Grateful yet purposeless…

Maybe I just need to find my place in the world. Perhaps, this goes back to trying to figure out who I am and where I fit into all of this. I have yet to figure any of that out, so I’ll continue to stumble through the world and wade my way through life with the hope of finding something meaningful, something with purpose…

Published by Tiara Smith

Sharing my life, one blog post at a time!

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